I sat quietly alone on Emilie’s bed staring up at the flowers painted on her wall. Memories of her filled me. This room, her room, had been custom designed by the two of us, together. We picked the drapes, the bedding, the furniture… together. We sewed the pillows side by side on her little sewing machine.. together. We carefully crafted all her accessories, her pictures, her walls…together. As I looked up again at those same flowers… the flowers she and I created together, I didn’t know if I was strong enough to take the next step......
..... Robbie recently accepted a job that requires a big move for our
family. This was not an easy decision. We hadn’t been looking for a
job and this one really was just perfect for us in every way. But as
perfect as the job truly was, it came with a lot of tough decisions and
steps that frankly scared me to death. Are we ready to leave the
other families? Can we leave this house? Can we leave these memories?
Can we say goodbye to her room?.....
..... I couldn’t control the
media coverage or what was being said about the case, right or wrong.
couldn’t control the fundraising frenzy that took place around us from
large organizations that I thought we could trust, that used Emilie’s
face to raise money for their own benefit.
.....I also had no control over
graphic images of my daughter’s body and who had the right to see, post
or print those pictures however they wanted. So, moving meant selling
our house. Selling our house meant people are allowed to come into our house.
..... Together, Robbie and I did it. We painted her wall. It was awful and
it was emotional, but we forever made it ours and ours alone. We had
control over her memory. It was tough, but it was right. I had the
closure I needed.
..... Now as we pack up our belongings this next week and head back to the
Northwest, I do it having taken the emotional steps that I needed to
feel like I was truly ready. And I am ready. We are always
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